Dissatisfaction is a feeling just about everyone can relate to. It lies at the root of our unease in life.

Yet surprisingly, I'll argue that we don't actually want to completely eliminate dissatisfaction (nor could we)—we simply don't want to remain stuck in it. At least I don't think you do. I certainly don't.

Why Dissatisfaction can be a Gift

Dissatisfaction serves as a contrast to what we truly want in life, it highlights what we know we can have or improve upon. When we recognize what we don't want, we gain clarity about what to work toward, creating a path away from this place of unease.

Through this lens, we can see dissatisfaction as a gift—a point of recognition that turns us in the direction we want to go.

You can also reframe dissatisfaction as evidence of your personal growth. Your old self was content with that job, relationship, or goal. Your new, expanded version has evolved and desires more. Instead of feeling frustrated about this dissatisfaction, recognize it as a signal: "Wow, I've become someone new."

The Trap

The trap is getting stuck in dissatisfaction or unease. This happens when we focus exclusively on where we want to go, what we want to have, or who we want to be as the only means to happiness.

I would be very surprised if anyone reading this hasn't fallen victim to this flawed premise of "I'll be happy when... I get the job, have the relationship, buy the house, get fit," and so on. While these new achievements and goals may indeed bring happiness, it will be extremely fleeting if the journey to reach them isn't approached with a sense of joy and ease.

The Tunnel

Let’s think of dissatisfaction (or any negative emotion) as a tunnel we all find ourselves in at one point or another. Sometimes it’s right below the surface and a very quick journey finding the light on the other side. Other times it feels as though we are passing through hell itself and we’ll never see daylight again.

As I’ve come to journey through my tunnels at varying degrees in my life, it’s only been on my most recent journey to “the underworld” that I experienced a paradigm shift in not only my way of thinking, but actually the way in which I experienced grief and dissatisfaction.

In my old framework, I could easily sit in that space of darkness and logically understand that “everything serves a purpose” and “all experiences are lessons” etc., but it wouldn’t change my feelings about the circumstances, and therefore the journey through the tunnel would take much longer then I realized is necessary.

Through sitting with deep dissatisfaction within myself, I discovered a profound truth: our feelings on the matter are the absolute fundamental piece if we're to break free from the unease that comes with dissatisfaction.

For what feels like the first time, I moved beyond merely thinking intellectually—"okay, this must be in service to my growth, I am here in this dilemma for a reason"—to actually shifting my feelings from despair to excitement and hope.

No matter how much I talked to myself logically, it didn’t move me out of my “tunnel” if I couldn’t break free from the feelings I was experiencing. And I’m not saying we shouldn’t feel what we feel, indeed all feelings serve a purpose, but as I always tell my children, ‘we are not our feelings, they are sensations that move through us’.

Just as we shouldn’t latch onto joy for fear of it slipping away, we shouldn’t wallow in despair as an excuse to be miserable.

Feelings are communicators. Holding onto them is a choice.

Once I was able to see the experience of dissatisfaction as a signal of transformation, a hint at the new version of myself emerging, I was able to quickly move from feeling stuck in the darkness to seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

How to Shift Perspective?

Solutions are typically simple but not always easy, and in this case, especially so if you've lived the majority of your life in a state of dissatisfaction or even in anticipation, thinking the same storyline over and over: "I'll be happy when..."

If you have your heart so fixated on what you want "over there" in that future time and space, you'll lose sight of the greatest gift of life—the traveling from here to there.

You see? It isn't about what's over there, it's about the process of getting there.

Filling the Gap

The simplicity in shifting our attitude lies in understanding the fact that our entire life is about filling the gap between where we are now and where we want to go. That will never end. If you're living correctly (yes, I'm going to take a stand here, and if you're reading this, you may be in agreement with me), you recognize your growth and expansion are infinite.

On a journey of ever-expanding growth and learning, you will always be on your way to the next best thing.

I'm sure you've heard, "life is about the journey, not the destination." This is exactly the point I'm drilling in here.

The destination will always be there, and there, and there, and there - assuming you are always growing and expanding.

Again, these expansions are usually catalyzed by moments of contrast or seeing or experiencing things we do not want. It is when we have those experiences that we get to say to ourselves, oh I actually want to move over there. How would we know what we do want without the experience of what we don’t want? The trouble is feeling stuck there or worse that you are in the wrong place.

If you think your happiness will only come when you get "there," then you will fail to experience the joy that is always available to you "here and now." And as much as "there" or "the future" are attainable, the only thing that matters and is real is 'right now'. This moment is the only moment you will ever truly experience.

What do you mean by that, you may ask? Well, when you get "there," it will be "now." Does that make sense?

In no way am I suggesting not to dream of a future—absolutely dream of it! Allow any dissatisfaction you feel today to push you in the direction of that future. What I am suggesting is that despite any dissatisfaction you may feel, know that where you are right now is perfect.

Wherever you are right now is in perfect relationship to a more expanded version of you.

Life may feel uncomfortable at times. It should! Discomfort, unease, dissatisfaction—all of these uncomfortable feelings are necessary for our growth.

I believe that if we can accept these feelings as signals that we're on the right path, then we are less likely to get stuck in them. As soon as we have an awareness within ourselves of "oh, I don't like this feeling," we can tune our frequency in the direction of where we want to go, understanding that the "negative" feeling was simply a push to move in another direction.

I share this in hopes of helping anyone who feels uneasy right now, or as something that can be stored and filed away for a day when, inevitably, negative or uncomfortable feelings will arise.

This has been one of the greatest lessons in my own life, and as I stated before, while it is simple in nature, I recognize it is not always easy. BUT I think it can be when we have this perspective as a tool in our toolbox for life.

This moment, right now, wherever you find yourself, is exactly where you are supposed to be in order to get to where you are going. (I want to extend this idea as a collective too).

Do not fret about HOW you are getting there, or WHEN, or any of the details really. If you can find yourself in a place of ease KNOWING that you are in the perfect place to reach the next best thing, then the details naturally fall into place, and you become more receptive to what the next best step is to getting there.

Most importantly, feel at ease in the present moment with this knowing. A joyful life can be the default baseline when we know that there is no wrong place to be. It is through the “wrong” places that we learn and dream and reach our highest potential.

I would love to hear your perspective on these ideas. I feel an entire book could be written here and likely already has been. To some this may be painfully obvious, however through my experience and talking with others, feelings of dissatisfaction and unease are quite common and easy to get stuck in.

May this spark some inspiration to love where you are no matter where you are, at all times, on your journey in this life.

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Until the next time, may you feel at ease with where you are.

Understand your Life through the Lens of Dissatisfaction & Live with Ease